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by Mike Bedard
You might watch Home Alone and see a clever kid hilariously protecting his home from finger-biting intruders. Others, however, seem to use it as inspiration to invent their own crazy contraptions that rival intentionally-iced stairs or swinging paint cans of terror. And while we absolutely do not condone any of these things, we’re still left in awe of their ingenuity -- and insanity.
Man Creates Indiana Jones-Style Rolling Booby Trap Using A Hot Tub
After Gregory Lee Rodvelt was arrested in Arizona on explosives charges, the judge ordered him to give up his home in Oregon. Instead, he went to work creating elaborate traps and securing his home against the inevitable. Fortunately, he did put a sign up outside warning potential house seizers that: “This property is protected by improvised devices.” Which you might recognize as the second scariest improvisation possible, right after being invited to the after-party for your friend’s improv class.
On September 7, 2018, the lawyer tasked with taking care of the house happened upon the sign, and decided it was probably best to get the authorities involved. So the bomb folks showed up to assess what they were dealing with, and the first thing they encountered was a minivan filled with animal traps, because ... something? Did ... did Rodvelt expect that they were just going to swing open the doors and belly flop inside?
Oh, hey. An unassuming minivan blocking our way with a warning sign and … oh, wait.
But the next trap was the most cartoonish. Rodvelt had rigged up a hot tub to come rolling after anybody who opened the gate to his property. As the news report alludes, it conjures visions of Indiana Jones running away from a strategically placed, rolling object of crushery. Except, you know, in this case it was a hot tub and not a giant boulder, so probably way less lethal.
They eventually blew up the front door and made their way into the house, because of course the windows were barred shut. And that’s when someone accidentally bumped into an unassuming wheelchair, which exploded. Somehow, shotgun shells were set up to go off on anyone who moved the thing, which happened, resulting in one FBI agent getting shot in the leg.
The agent is OK, and Rodvelt was apprehended. But holy crap, that’s dedication.
Man Creates Explosive Box To Scare Off Would-Be Package Thieves
Booby traps are most often implemented by people doing bad things, but one man from Tacoma, Washington actually found a way to use the concept for good, albeit possibly ill-advised. Jaireme Barrow was tired of the completely relatable problem of people stealing packages from his front porch. It’s the kind of thing that makes you want to install security cameras or get a guard dog or go all John Wick on their faces and ... wait, let’s not get too crazy.
But instead of setting up a tripwire-triggered laser cannon to address his package thievery problem, he decided to get a little more creative. What he landed on is something called TheBlankBox, which is actually absolutely not blank. Well, it does contain a blank – specifically, a blank 12-gauge shotgun shell that goes off when you pick it up. Look, we’re not recommending you get one of these to solve your issues with missing Amazon shipments, but we’d be lying if we didn’t say the results are pretty hilarious.
And while people stealing packages is absolutely a bad thing, we feel compelled to warn you that how you deal with that issue can be much, much worse. We can debate about whether or not a shotgun shell, even if it is a blank, is the best way to deter thieves. But maybe being handed a shotgun while berating someone isn’t the best course of action.
All we’re saying is that before you go buying one of these things (oh yeah, he sells them), it might be prudent to ask yourself whether or not you want to take problem-solving advice from someone whose remedy to problematic scenarios seems to consistently involve something shotgun-related.
Explosive Tripwire Discovered on Walking Trail
Hiking is an awesome hobby – being out in nature, getting exercise, and seeing parts of the world you wouldn’t have otherwise. Hikers, however, can be a bit obnoxious about it, because dude, your pre-brunch five mile nature trek is not interesting when we’re still trying to Bloody Mary away our hangover.
But that’s no reason to seek actual vengeance for a story you don’t want to hear. Unfortunately, someone from Kalamazoo, Michigan (yes, it’s a real place) decided otherwise, and in the most dickish and dangerous way possible. They set a tripwire that, when tripped, would blast a completely live shotgun round. As in, real ammo flying around.
Wait, is this a live action Looney Tunes episode, except with real life horrible injury?
Fortunately, someone noticed the trap before anyone triggered it. And it was the damnedest setup: The tripwire was going to set off a mousetrap that was duct taped to the shotgun shell. How does that even work? Is there enough force behind a mouse trap to set the thing off? Was this the work of some jerkface genius who just really hated hiking?
We may never know the answers to these questions, because as of this writing, nobody knows who’s responsible. What we do know is that if you’re ever hiking in southwest Michigan, it’s probably a good idea to watch your step.
Florida Man Attempts To Electrocute Pregnant Wife
We know “Florida Man” is a thing. And ... well, this is one of those things.
Michael Scott Wilson rigged his front door with electrical wiring, cords, a car battery charger, chairs, tape and a shower rod to electrocute anyone who touched the door knob. And he did this because he wanted to electrocute his estranged wife, which immediately tells us everything we need to know about why she was estranged in the first place.
Thankfully, his plan did not succeed, because one expert said there was an 80 to 100 percent chance of someone sustaining extreme injuries or death had the trap worked. Which makes sense, because you’re running a freaking electrical current through a metal object.
If it involves electricity at all, it’s probably bad.
Authorities were able to disengage the booby trap thanks to an alert from the intended victim. She reached out to police after Wilson had dropped some hints that he had done something to the home, like when he texted her, “Make sure you use the front door because the garage door is not going to open.”
Wilson actually made an entire production out of the the whole thing. In addition to the electrified door, he set up sonogram pictures, love letters, and pictures of the couple together laid out on the bed, making for the unhealthiest love story since The Notebook. Police disarmed the home and eventually arrested him, because duh, what a psycho.
A Tenant Tried To Assault Their Landlord With Butter Knives
Canada is so polite. Even when their citizens set up a booby trap, they do it in the kindest manner possible. One tenant in Ontario left his apartment vacant, but the landlord had no way to enter the residence, because he assumed a piece of furniture was blocking the door. The police got involved, and when they were able to push the door open, they were met with a unique surprise.
When an officer opened the door, three butter knives were launched in their direction. But thanks to extensive training, they instinctively knew to get out of the way when barging through a blocked door, so only two knives struck their chest and hand. They didn’t get injured, but serious problems could’ve occurred if one of those dull blades made a beeline for the eye socket.
Your cutlery has arrived!
While we’re thankful that the tenant didn’t go the steak or chef knife route, we do have lots of questions. Namely: “Why butter knives?” Wait, don’t get us wrong. This was the best possible outcome of a completely ludicrous scenario. But were there rubber bands involved? Or a modified, elastic underwear waistband? Perhaps some homemade trebuchet activated in some weird-ass Mouse Trap method?
There are just so many questions.
Like this article? Check out “5 Senior Pranks That Got People In Tons Of Trouble” and “5 People Who Caused Massive Damage For Stupid Reasons”.