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It’s sort of hard to believe, honestly. An entire year of bringing kickass articles to your eyeballs from some of the best writers in this crazy industry. Twelve months of blood, sweat and ... injuries from people who want to make you the most interesting person in the room. I mean, it was Brian and Jason who actually got hurt -- no reports that any of our writers have suffered any trauma. Yet.
I say that jokingly, but being a writer does, in fact, come with certain risks. For example: This article was supposed to run Tuesday, but because of the cold we’re experiencing here, my ceiling decided it was done with this whole “being a ceiling” thing and the floor looked really inviting. So, it relocated, the only warning being a loud *CRACK* before it nearly came down on my head. Had I not barrel-rolled like a goddamn action hero, I’m certain I wouldn’t be writing this right now.
So I wanted to acknowledge some of the people who have not only done impeccable work, but risked life and limb to deliver fancy word things to your faces. Seriously, their own homes could be attacking them right now, yet they still sign in to the writers’ workshop and pitch their ideas like the confident badasses they are. And that’s why I thought it fitting to look back on just a few highlights from the past 365 days or so.
5 “Worthless” Items That Organized Crime Loves To Target
Jordan Breeding has been penning articles for The Modern Rogue since ... well, before me, actually. He’s a pretty prolific writer, having been published on Cracked, McSweeney’s, Paste Magazine and others. Oh, and he’s pretty much a genius at research, helping out some people in the workshop find entries for their pitches. And without him, fewer of us might have known there’s a literal black market for Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.
5 Criminals So Bad At Crime, It’s Basically Slapstick
Pauli Poisuo’s another one that’s been with us from the very beginning, and a writer with enough work to his name to make me jealous. He’s basically an idea machine, coming up with incredible premises and making it seem as easy as ... I don’t know, something really easy. That’s actually my new measure of how simple something is -- “Man, that’s as easy as an article idea from Pauli.”
He also helps me out with editing here and there, and is awesome at it. One of his more popular pieces here is on the topic of something we freaking love at The Modern Rogue: dumbass criminals.
4 Badass LGBT Women Who Helped Shape The Course Of American History
This is Rori Lynn’s first time writing in a professional capacity, and she’s absolutely killing it. She’s approaching ten articles to her name now, and is a consistent presence in the workshop, dishing out cool-ass ideas, as well as providing helpful feedback to other writers. You should go read all of her articles right now, like this one on badass LGBT women who quite literally shaped American history.
5 Emergency Car Hacks That Could Get You Out Of A Bind
Mike Garowee is another individual who started slaying it right out of the gate -- he wrote five articles within the span of about a month. He even stepped up and started volunteering his time in the workshop when I was going through a sort of personal crisis. His ideas are always solid, including a lot of practical advice you can use right now. Did you know that you can crack open an egg into your radiator to temporarily get you from Point A to Point B when your car’s overheating? Neither did I, until I read this.
VIDEO: Rapid Response (Bleeding, Choking, CPR, Burns, Car Crashes)
You’ve probably noticed that we’re working video content into what we’re doing here. And there’s a reason for that: The Modern Rogue predates this website. Brian and Jason have been showing viewers how to create makeshift weapons or make a martini or cook food via unconventional methods for over two years now. I think they’re pretty damn good at it, too.
One of the things we really like is arming our readers and viewers with things that might help them out in the real world. You may not ever have an actual need to melt styrofoam down into a knife, but you could find yourself in a scenario where you need to assist a fellow human who’s in distress. Which is why this crash course in handling emergency situations, even if you’re not necessarily qualified, is definitely worth checking out. Hell, some guy saved a woman’s life with the CPR knowledge he gained by watching The Office. You may not be a medical professional, but neither was he, which goes to show that knowing some basics certainly doesn’t hurt.
We have so many writers and contributors and guests that do insanely awesome things. It’s—honestly … this really is a rad thing to be a part of. We’re building something pretty remarkable, and we want you all to be a part of it. If you want to help us do that, share the articles. Share the videos. Come write for us. Be a patron. Buy incredible things from our store. Sign up for the workshop and just shoot the breeze with the writers who bring you cool things to read, even if you don’t want to write yourself.
There are big plans ahead, including an entire site redesign and the specific goal of creating a close, tight-knit community of fellow rogues. It’s going to be a hell of a lot of fun, so come join us! Join us. I promise, there is absolutely no rite of passage ritual involved. At least I don’t think so, but that could be because Brian and Jason just haven’t come up with one yet.
Like these articles? We have a lot more from a ton of different writers! Feast your eyes on all of them right here.
Want to write for The Modern Rogue? You can! Just sign up for our writers’ workshop.