Rapid Response (Bleeding, Choking, CPR, Burns, Car Crashes)

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by Brian Brushwood & Jason Murphy

Being a Modern Rogue involves a certain amount of risk. Accordingly, we thought it might make sense to take a crash course on, you know, not dying horrifically.

Or better yet, maybe having some basic know-how in case you happen upon a worst-case scenario. Knowing what to do – or in many cases, what not to do – could mean the difference between life and death for a fellow human.

To be clear, this is in no way a substitute for medical training. In almost every instance, the best first step is to call 911 and get professionals on the scene. They know what they’re doing – you absolutely do not. Unless, of course, you’re also a medical professional. In which case … just do your thing.

EMTs Daniel Brown and Jenna Brown help show us how to identify “action required” situations, and what you can do – or again, not do – to better control a medical emergency before the pros arrive. Because sometimes, mere minutes are critical, and even if you’re not a doctor, paramedic, or EMT, something as simple as knowing to apply pressure to a bleeding wound might just help save someone’s life.


Learning the Heimlich maneuver is also a handy skill to have. It sure beats Jason’s dad’s approach of grabbing someone by the ankle and punching them in the stomach, at least, even if it was effective.


CPR is something we should all know how to do. Maybe it could be an official graduation into adulthood class or something. Like, “You’re allowed to turn 18 when you can do proper chest compressions!” Email your senator and lets get a ballot initiative going.


Getting burned isn’t just something that happens on social media – it’s an actual thing that’s super painful and involves things at temperatures higher than what the human body can handle, like the sun or a brick that has just come out of a kiln. Depending on the severity, oftentimes the answer is to simply let the body heal itself. In extreme cases, however, you’re probably going to want someone to take a look at that (at the hospital).


Vehicular accidents can be brutal, but before you go all hero and try to pull someone out of their car, you should know that that’s almost never advised – you could be doing more harm than good.


Again, in any medical emergency, call 911. The most important thing you can do is get someone there who knows what the hell they’re doing. But at the same time, don’t let somebody bleed out or choke to death. If the situation is dire, we’re pretty sure they’d prefer you you try to save their life and not just capture the scene on your phone to share on YouTube.

Like these videos? Check out “4 Innovative Ways Modern Medicine Is Fixing Crazy Problems” and “Do You Faint At The Sight Of Blood? Don’t Worry, You’re Not A Wuss”.

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