Clearly Fake Stuff That Morons Tried To Pass Off As Real

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by Dwayne Hoover

Scammers are everywhere, if your dedicated Spam folder hadn't tipped you off to that already. And to be fair, some of them have really honed their craft, successfully pulling off incredible feats of thievery. Others, however, leave you wondering whether or not they consulted with their nephew's third grade class on how to make a quick buck.

 
 

A Fish Shop Puts Googly Eyes On Their Fish To Make Them Appear Fresh

If you want to test the seafood you're buying for freshness, there are several ways to do it. Or at least I assume there are -- I typically just trust whatever I'm handed or what's in the freezer section because that filet needs to find its way into my facehole forthwith. Perhaps the only exceptions I'll make is if it's on "Special" or part of an art installation. But that's it, because screw that.

For some, I guess it's carefully examining the eyes, because the less of them they have the less fresh they are. Which makes sense -- corpse deterioration should be a sure sign of how old something is. So if gut-wrenching pain and possible food poisoning are things you care about, this might be a go-to for you. Also, odor.

One fish market in Kuwait was banking on its customers focusing on the whole eye thing, so in order to give their product a more respectable appearance, the employees threw some of those plastic googly eyes on them figuring no one would notice. Predictably, people did.

 Twitter

Twitter

They should have given them giant, flirty eyelashes, too.

It does make one wonder what the shop thought would happen: Would people go home and start frying up these bad boys and not notice the plastic melting? Did the thought of a choking hazard not enter anyone's mind? Did people just throw their hands up and say, "Dude, what's the worst that could happen? People cut the heads off of these things anyway; they'll probably just toss the errant (fake) eyeballs in the trash."

Ignoring the plastic *tink* on the cutting board, I suppose.

Russia Shows "Proof" of America Helping ISIS ... With A Video Game Screenshot

Look, we're not a political site here, so that's not where I'm going. Instead, I'd like to focus on the hilarity of photo or video "proof" of something that is easily debunked by simple observation. Or hell, even a reverse Google Image search, because you're sure that new girlfriend your friend posted on Facebook isn't real and, "Haha, dude, that's a shot of a model from four years ago and it's got a watermark."

In 2017, a similar attempt was made by Russia to show that America was actually helping ISIS. This may seem at odds with what you know, but luckily for them they had video proof, and it seemed pretty damning. But also like the aforementioned similar "my new girlfriend" attempt, as it turned out the video largely consisted of footage from an unrelated scenario a year prior. Oh, and also from the video game AC-130 Gunship Simulator.

 
 

Of course, when people started pointing these facts out (especially the latter), the "irrefutable evidence" started getting pulled immediately. Then they did it again, this time with footage from the game Arma 3. And it's ... just freaking incredible. I'm a fan of the glorious blue cylinders flying out of the engines, myself. Plus the obviously computerized people. Oh hell, just all of it.

In all fairness, the government did say that the video footage got mixed up with a previous video game segment. Which, sure, that's plausible. But for the record, if Brian and Jason start posting Ninja Gaiden gameplay in their videos, feel free to call us out on that.

Reporter Shows Off His Phone Calculator As A "Light Meter"

Cricket is a huge thing in many parts of the world. One reporter of a specific match decided his opinion mattered on the subject, specifically because it was getting dark. He had a scientific explanation on whether or not the match should continue, based entirely on his light meter.

Now to be fair, light meters are a real thing. They measure lights in things like cameras so you can get the appropriate amount of, well ... light for your shot. There are devoted hand held devices, assisting you in all your light-measuring needs.

Yet one promising young journalist decided to take the powers of light-measurement into his own hands, because dammit, this cricket game should be called off. It's obviously too dark. Just look at my ... iPhone calculator. It clearly says "6.5" which is too dark, you guys. It's right there with the plus and the minus and -- crap, do you think they noticed? Yes. Yes they did.

 
 

On video, this reporter shows his phone calculator to his viewing audience, purporting to be an expert measurer of light. Despite the fact that the height of his abilities in that moment were simple arithmetic. It's pretty remarkable. It's sort of like if I launched my guitar tuner app and claimed to be able to measure radioactivity. Hey, the needle's moving, and I'm sure it has nothing to do with the sound of our voices, so ...

Some Restaurants Fake Their Food

The greatest thing about having money is being able to buy the best things. Even if it's not the very best things. If you've got the cash, go splurge. Even if it's just on fried chicken. Do your thing, man.

As some patrons found out at a California restaurant called Sweet Dixie Chicken, however, they were not, in fact, getting Sweet Dixie Chicken. They were getting Popeye's chicken, which they discovered when they witnessed some employees seemingly sneaking it into the establishment. Sure, maybe they didn’t explicitly say they were serving their own birds. But dude, isn't it sort of implied that if you go to a restaurant, you'll be eating food that's actually made at that restaurant?

 
 

Regrettably, this isn't an isolated incident. Pushing a mediocre product as something that it's not is sort of a thing. As a matter of fact, a nightclub favored by England's royalty was serving £10 bottles of champagne masqueraded as Dom Perignon, plus other drinks with the same dramatic price gaps. And while I'm not a fan of that kind of posh lifestyle, mostly because I can't afford it, that’s just a dick move.

Don't sell me a Pinto wrapped in a Cadillac body, assface.

Man Presents $1 Million Bill For Less Than $500 Purchase

Counterfeiting is the best scam: Just print your own money and go buy whatever the hell you want. It's flawless, so long as you’re familiar with the intricate details of counterfeit prevention and have access to magnetic ink and holograms and those little strips that are inside bills and why the hell would people try this?

Michael Fuller did. He waltzed his ass into a Walmart with plans on buying some household appliances. And apparently, he thought nothing of it when the cashier asked for payment and he produced a cool, crisp $1 million bill.

"But I bought luggage, specifically to carry out my change!"

Not $10,000, which you might recognize as the largest bill to have ever been produced in US currency and discontinued in the 1960s. A cool mill, something the employees thought a bit strange seeing as how it wasn't a thing that ever existed. So they called the cops, had him arrested for basically trying to buy things with Monopoly money, and had him hauled off.

Again, I'm not sure what Fuller expected. To get his microwave and vacuum and then waltz out with over $999,000 in change? That they're going to run that counterfeit pen over it and say, "Yeah man, you're cool." Where do you even get something like a $1 million bill? Freaking Spencer's, with your picture on it from a novelty photo booth?

There are just so many questions. For all of these, honestly.

Like this article? Check out "5 People Who Took Con Artistry To Crazy New Heights" and "5 Of The Ballsiest Scams People Tried To Pull Off".

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