Jordan Breeding is a writer beholden to no man or woman ... besides, you know, anybody willing to pay him. His “work" has appeared extensively in Cracked, Paste Magazine, McSweeney's, The Hard Times, Ranker and gas station bathrooms the world over. He’ll allow you to follow him on Twitter or peruse his portfolio.
More From Jordan:
by Jordan Breeding - Cardboard cutouts, pooping geese … sandwiches? All of those and more have triggered emergency responses. And not small ones, either.
by Jordan Breeding - Man, if you think we have some petty, ridiculous arguments today, you should really see the ones from history. They are wonderfully stupid.
by Jordan Breeding - It’s one thing to lose business because your products suck. But when you have to close stores because you pissed off an entire culture, that’s next-level ignorance.
by Jordan Breeding - It turns out that if you look deep enough, there are some pretty weird things that can shave off thousands from your tax bill.
by Jordan Breeding - The dumbest criminals are the best criminals. They are the gift that just keeps on giving.
by Jordan Breeding - The next time somebody gives you crap for playing video games, make them read this article and then demand a "thank you" from them.
by Jordan Breeding - Sometimes you need a simple service like an Uber. Other times, you need hot Japanese men to make you cry while at work.